Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
