I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
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