A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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