i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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