There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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