So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
