I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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