Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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