90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
she peed on how many people?
We just shotgunned beers for America
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
