I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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