I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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