haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
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