I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
