So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
