$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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