yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
