I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
