we're blogging at a bar
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
