Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
