well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize