from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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