Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
