Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
