Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
