this beer tastes like vomit already
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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