Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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