then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
