I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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