If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
