my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Damn victory sex feels great
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
