i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
