My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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