Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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