I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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