i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I believe in your delicious
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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