dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
