U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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