It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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