like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
