and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm too high and old for this...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
