i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
