His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
