you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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