Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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