The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
