if only i could text you this smell
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
