I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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