I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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