This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
