Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize