the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
