I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
