U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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