history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
