I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
