Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
