Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
