it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
