My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
