My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
