Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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