I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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