Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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