It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
