We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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