You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
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