Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
