I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
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You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
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When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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