ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
