I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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