**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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