yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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