im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
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my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
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I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize