You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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