and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
